Chapter 18

* Author's note :- please let the song start first before reading, hopefully it will enhance your reading .. and this might induce vomit so please read with your own risk =D

It was such a surreal feeling, it felt so right and deep in me, I felt so relief because I thought I lost her. I really thought I lost her but the truth was, I cannot lose her. Not after all the shit I had been through during my whole life. Not when I grew up not knowing who my parents are but knowing that they don’t want me. I could be a mistake, I could be an accident. Right here, right now with Lisa in my arms, everything is worth it.

I could feel her hands touching my face, so softly and so gently that I moved my lips from hers for a while and planted little kisses on her hand. Her eyes looked at me. Her bright shiny brown eyes looked up at me and they were filled with hope. I lowered my lips to kiss her eyes as they slowly closed. I closed my eyes as she kissed my chin softly and I smiled.

I could feel her fingers on the side of my face and she touched my dimple. When I opened my eyes again, I could feel the warmth when she touched me. My heart raced, I wonder if she could hear it.

“You are so cute” she mumbled.

“I think you’re beautiful, Ting Ting” I neared her.

Then I kissed her again, her soft lips covered mine and I thank God for bringing her back to me. I ran my fingers through her hair. Her red highlights are fading away, just like memories of Ryan. When I kissed her, a million thoughts ran through my mine. Suddenly I’m afraid.

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

I have this feeling I cannot explain. Happy? Of course. I have never been happier. What about Jay? A little voice in me asked. I can’t think about how Jay feels now. Lisa was mine. Always mine.

“I’m so glad I remembered you” Lisa whispered near my ear.

I responded with a happy grunt and kissed her ear. Where is this going with Lisa? Where is this leading to? Sure, she’s my girlfriend. We had been going out for a few months. I adore this woman, this woman that I hold so close to me.

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

I held her hands in mine as I kissed her. Suddenly it became addictive, like if I let go off her, she would revert back to forgetting me. I cannot take the chance of that happening. Not after I almost lost her, lost her to Ryan and almost lost her to Jay. I’m selfish, I know but I can’t help it.

I just can’t put my finger on what did Lisa do to make me feel the way I do now. She slided her hands on my chest and slowly stroked the scar that was left by the operation after the stabbing incident.

“Does it still hurt?” she asked , looking at me for answers

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

How can it hurt when she touched me like that? I shook my head, shaking off the faint sound of Chicken Little in the background. She kissed me once more and I got up from the bed slowly. She looked at me, her big brown eyes never blinked as I pressed the lock on her door knob.

********************************************************************************

She looked so peaceful as she laid between the covers and her blanket. I wanted to brush the soft hair off her face but I feared she might wake. Pulling my shirt back in place, I walked out of the room. It was 6 am and it had been raining the night before. I looked back at Lisa and I walked back to the room. My coat was on the floor and I picked it up, slowly covering her with it.

Then I headed back out to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I used Lisa’s Snoopy mug and carried the coffee back into the room. I can imagine what fuss she would make about the coffee smell in her mug. It’s alright though; I love it when she fussed about little things. The coffee mug warmed my hands as I looked out the window.

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

The traffic looked the same. The cars were still going around the city, the rain drops were still falling. Everything seems normal except what I felt. It felt like overnight something has changed. I felt like smiling, I felt like I had paid my dues in the past and I deserve what I have now. I brushed my fingers through my hair and smiled as I recalled Lisa’s fingers running through them.

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

I heard stirring and I turned to see Lisa waking up. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. I put the coffee down at her table and approached her.

“My mug is gonna stink, you goon” she said softly

I smiled and she groaned when she saw the dimple. Seriously, I think I can use the dimple as an advantage. I picked up her hand and kissed it, then her cheek, then her bare shoulder. When I tried to kiss her lips, she looked away.

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

When she turned away, my heart stopped a while. Does she regret our time spent last night?

“I have morning breath” she pushed my face away gently.

“I have coffee breath” I laughed.

She sat up and I reached out to sweep her hair out of her face. The knot in me got tighter as she took my hand from her face and kissed it.

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

I neared her and kissed her forehead.

“Good morning” I smiled against her head.

She closed her eyes and pulled my coat closer to her. I held her in my arms, slowly enveloping her in a hug. Her soft hair felt nice against my face. Her fingers intertwined with mine. This must be what everyone is talking about. Heaven. Bliss. Paradise.

She looked up at me and leaned forward to kiss my chin. I leaned down and caught her lips on mine. She smiled and leaned in closer to me.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I saw how much pain I caused you” she apologized

“Not important at all. What is important is now”

I remember when I first crashed the car behind hers. At that moment, she was just a woman but right now, right here she is mine. Just the sight of her every Sunday when I dropped by for a movie, it doesn’t matter if she was in her pyjamas or in huge t-shirts with shorts, make up less and messed up hair, I am still taken by her.

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

“Thank you for encouraging me, believing in me, helping me, never giving up on me..” she counted with her fingers.

I kissed her one more time and let out a huge sigh. The moment was right as we sat here on her bed, with my arms wrapped around her. The words just slipped out of my lips.

“Lisa, I have fallen in love with you”

Before she could react, I kissed her again. I needed her to know I’m not any Ryan or Sean who would hurt her and leave. I needed her to know how much she means to me. When she pulled away from me, I could see tears in her eyes.

“I think I am in love with you”

That was more than enough.